89. I Don’t Read
You don’t have to search too far on the internet to find judgments of those who don’t read. By all means, I can completely see and understand how it makes people appear uneducated, or perhaps even boring or unworldly. Perhaps small-minded to some degree. While I like to think I don’t wholly inhabit any of these things, it’s hard to prove otherwise. How could I possibly have any imagination from reading fiction, or really any facts or figures to rely upon, when reading non-fiction?
Before my intuition opened up, I was much more aligned with the news. I liked reading op-ed pieces, or really anything that was culturally significant or relevant. While part of it was due to my job, I found people’s perspectives to be quite interesting. While I’m also a lover of entertainment, my attention span typically has me wanting more than just one impression at once. So, for example, when you’re reading a book, it’s just you, the text (sometimes with pictures), as well as your imagination. But when you’re watching something or listening to it, typically there ‘s more than one impression happening at once. I find this to generally be more captivating and stimulating.
Ironically, I read extremely quickly. I’m not the type of person to read every single word in order to understand it. In fact, I read groupings of words, and I just have a mental note which tells me what it’s about. I often gloss over parts that are uninteresting. With that said, I pretty much sprint ahead, and taking my time reading is quite unenjoyable. It’s just all around, not an enjoyable or even cohesive experience to me. I do find that text is a valid part of storytelling, as I am a designer, but it’s more so in combination. I find the layers and depth of storytelling are quite interesting. At times, I wonder if this goes back to my Capricorn placements.
Despite being a quick reader and having access to information and stories, I still simply find myself getting news and information out of others’ perception values. Keep in mind that we do this all the time. Oftentimes, we as people are better storytellers. It’s why we often listen to podcasts or social media accounts to recount or retell stories vs. lengthy or “boring” news articles. I find this idea to be actually a fascinating look into our communication as a species. Why is it that we like to hear things from the perspective of others? or not just “others” but some in general. I think there are lots of ideas and no right or wrong answers for this topic.
It’s hard to defend not reading, as in a way, it not only silo me from the collective, but it also closes me off to likely some much-needed context and information. I would reckon that in any other field of study or “doing”, this would be a particularly stupid idea. However, in my field, it’s a bit different…
As my intuition opened up, I became incredibly overwhelmed with the information that was being presented to me, as well as the new impressions I was receiving. While it may seem that it was simply all about information, it wasn’t. It was a complete identity crisis and reconstruction. All of my old beliefs had essentially been thrown out the window, as this was now anything and everything that I perceived. As a result, it was really challenging for me to read any information that wasn’t mine. The reason being is that I had to discern what I perceived to be as ‘truth”, and I didn’t want anyone’s information disturbing this truth. While I’ve definitely opened myself up more, and I’m not so strict and stringent with this information, I personally find that a lot of times my “truth” is different from what’s already out there. I really don’t want to risk having my beliefs, practices, or teachings interrupted by someone else’s. I will never simply regurgitate any information just because it’s from a reputable source. I deconstruct and evaluate everything, and run it through my own energetic body, authentic truth, and wisdom.
And I greatly urge anyone and everyone to do the same. While there are some things we need to get on board with, particularly things that are directly associated with our everyday lives, I find that from a mental and emotional space, all is fair game. It is important that we have guidelines and boundaries in terms of how our emotions and mental state affect others, as well as ways and abilities to make it more manageable and less overwhelming. There are no boundaries to the human mind, and I find that to be fascinating. Full disclosure, no real boundaries in the physical space either from an energetic perspective, but we are “bound” by some laws, which make the physical implementation practice a little bit more challenging. However, we can quite easily dream up anything in an instant in our own minds.
It’s hard for me to get back into studies, as even when I’m reading material which I like, it’s not as much use to me, unless it’s providing more context for my beliefs, which is seldom. I suppose at the end of the day, this falls into a rigorous belief system, which we are all guilty of. Do we just not want to know anything if it doesn’t reinforce our beliefs? For me, it’s a no, but there’s part of it which is a yes. In the world of metaphysics, it’s really challenging, as my advice is my own perception value, and no one else’s. So why would I seek out external validations if they just serve to confuse me, or muddle my judgment? Do they water down my points at all? How do I know at the end of the day, which points are mine? I suppose the answer is simply a discerned level of intuition. After all, information presents new and exciting ideas, which one may not have already thought of. But what if I’m being constantly bombarded by new thoughts, and have no space to take on any new, additional impressions? It’s a complicated scenario, but at the end of the day, I feel comfortable within my own space at the moment. This isn’t to say I don’t want to challenge myself moving forward and to get out of my comfort zone, but at the moment, it’s quite hard. Once I really finish getting out all that I need to, I’m happier to go back to the drawing board with different points of insight and inspiration. I do want collaboration to be something that is a part of my life moving forward. However, it will really be at the right place and the right time.
While I think that not only anyone and everyone, but multiple job and career paths (and even interests and hobbies) greatly benefit from the insight of others, at times, I feel like it may be unnecessary. I do what ultimately serves me and doesn’t harm others (and in fact, may improve others through a clearer source of channeling and intuition), but I know that it won’t always be the case, and likely others won’t agree with that sentiment. Some may say that it harms others if I’m not thoroughly “informed”, but I feel that when you are simply piecing together the information from others without a true perspective, it’s more dangerous. Whether it’s chalked up to being stubborn or too siloed in my own perception value, there are likely many different contributors. I look forward to keeping this topic at the top of my mind and seeing how I can integrate it more into the future. I like to dissect works from others, and I hope they do the same for me, in order to have an open and honest discussion and path for communication.
