86. You Can Be Any Kind Of Spiritual

It’s always been hard for me to integrate into the spiritual community. Perhaps it was a combination of reality, as well as my own projections.

The truth is, I was never spiritually growing up. I lived in a middle-class suburb in a relatively superficial town. Most people acknowledged the “bubble” we were in. But it didn’t really matter, since no one had any idea what was outside the bubble anyway.

While I do feel that much of my life was a “mask” over my authentic self in order to “survive”. Or, in other words, in order to fit in and be liked. I never felt I portrayed the “hippie” or “light and love” persona that most spiritual people have. It’s true that I collect crystals, tarot cards, and even have some spiritual “items”, but it’s not really my overall aesthetic. But more importantly, it’s not my vibe. Growing up as a New Yorker in a corporate industry, it’s where I felt the most “at home” and where I belonged. It’s hard enough to convince me to go camping, let alone be out connecting with nature as most people do.

I like to push my comfort zone and my boundaries, and this isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy the spectrum of spiritual experiences, looks, and feels. But there is something I want to point out in particular.

Many spiritual people come from a place of love. They have a softer, more gentle approach. Perhaps in some ways, they are more in tune with their divine feminine side. Maybe I could even say they are more evolved, more centered, more grounded.

I never felt grounded. While I went through life with a reasonable amount of ease, there was always a part of me that was a bit unhinged. And I think I lost my edge along the way, as I continued to go through experiences. I had more to lose. I needed to comply, so to speak. Going back to the beginning of this reading, I felt it was “life or death”. The truth is, I couldn’t care less about being politically correct, semantics, or refining my language to ensure that it’s comfortable and safe for others. I just want to speak the truth. And truth is often times short and to the point. And triggering.

How can I relay my messages in this way? How can I be truthful to myself and my work? Why do so many people feel that they need others to soften their tone? Or make things more “accessible” for them? Do they not realize that it takes away from their authenticity? Every single aspect of delivery, from word choice to tone of voice and mannerisms, is important. When you stifle any of these parts, it could cause a domino reaction, which ultimately puts a damper on the entire point itself. Move with energy and be free-flowing. Never stop yourself from doing or being because you’re afraid of what someone thinks. Of course, there are times when we will be wrong and make mistakes. But we have to take that risk, no? Or else how would we ever know?

I reject that there is a “look” or even a “feel” of being spiritual. If we are all connected to spirituality through source energy, why are there not more “hybrid” spiritual people? People who do things differently, or people who have more edge. Perhaps people like me, who were once not aligned with their intuition. Personally, I find the value in being a “hybrid” person, as you may be more accessible and relatable. Isn’t that truly what we want? Those who are channelers? To be similar enough to the rest of the collective that our message isn’t so outdated, or so bizarre, or so disconnected.

This isn’t to say that someone who is very typically “spiritual” aesthetically and vibe-y is wrong. You should just do whatever you want. I think that sometimes it’s hard when there’s no rule book or even role models.

Hopefully, as odd and strange as I feel, I’m not alone. And at least I can be an influence on others, in some way, shape, or form.